


Commander Sassypants and the Defeat of the Homophobic Everyman

by TheSpaminator



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Always, Established Clexa, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, I Had To, I can't help myself, SO MUCH FLUFF, also language I guess, and heavy sexual tension, and they will always be happy in my hands, because fuck jasneeze raisinboob, clexa is ours, heavy affection, maybe in a sequel, not smut in this, rated for strong innuendo, so enjoy this giant fuck you to anyone who doesn't want to see Clexa happy, this is my first Clexa oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6184594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpaminator/pseuds/TheSpaminator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gang head to the movies where upon getting up from her seat before the movie to get popcorn, Lexa gives Clarke a quick kiss on the lips. Angry dumbass lady behind them scoffs angrily at the sight. Cue protective and confrontational sassy mcgee Lexa. Things get exciting.</p><p>(This whole thing is very much similar in the 'stick it to the man' thing I had going on in my Hollstein oneshot Thanksgiving Bitter. So you have that to look forward to.)</p><p>Find me on the internet: <a href="http://www.twitter.com/sampaicamfin">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.thespaminator.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Commander Sassypants and the Defeat of the Homophobic Everyman

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this is because Jasnoot Rabiesbutt is a villain and I needed to make my OTP happy. Clexa deserves it and I for one, won't be watching the show anymore unless they miraculously manage to fix this monumental fuck up. I don't however, foresee that happening. Good thing we have so many good fanfic writers in this fandom! They will live on in our writing and be stuBBORNLY HAPPY for eternity. I barely write angst (except that one fic that I like to forget I wrote cause I broke my own heart with that one. But it wasn't Clexa so you can breathe) and that will not change. Any and all Clexa I ever write will be so fluffy and also potentially smutty that you might suffocate. Whether you suffocate on the cottony fluff that doesn't allow you to breathe, or the smut that is so hot you also can't breathe, is yet to be determined. 
> 
> As for the effect 3.07 had on us as a whole, I am still broken hearted and I don't think I'll ever get over the betrayal. But we have each other my dears, so stay strong and if you are feeling neglected, or abused, or ignored in any way, shape, or form, please talk to someone. Talk to me even, I'm not great with advice other than 'kick their ass' but I am a good listener and I will do my utmost to make you feel valid and loved. Because you are both of these things. Don't hesitate to reach out my loves (my [Tumblr](http://www.thespaminator.tumblr.com) is the best place to talk to me). <3
> 
> Please comment away! And let me know if you want a sequel. I may start a prompt AU series like I did with Hollstein (which I fully intend to continue. In fact, I was partway through the newest chapter when this whole thing happened, but I needed to get something out for Clexa first. It was a priority and I don't think you'll disagree) so please let me know if that's something you would like to see.
> 
> Much love,  
> Sam

Clarke and Lexa hadn’t had a date night in ages, and while this night didn’t _quite_ qualify since so many of their friends were with them, they were going to count it as one anyway. Because reasons.

 

They’d all decided to head out to the VIP theatre where they'd have dinner, a few drinks and watch that new movie everyone was talking about. Honestly, neither Clarke or Lexa even knew the name of the movie, they were too grumpy about being dragged out by their friends. They’d become complete home bodies, all too happy to just exist in each others presence since they'd moved in together a few months back. So yes, they were counting this as a date night because they figured it was the best way to make the night enjoyable. Raven kept calling them gross cause they insisted on doing literally everything together, but they didn’t have a single fuck to give over it. Their happiness took precedence over their friend’s weird obsession with their activities.

 

To allow for the maximum enjoyment out of the whole experience, Raven had opted to drive all of them in her Zena Warrior princess painted cube van with a full shaggin’ wagon themed interior. Lexa and Clarke made the trip in a big beanbag chair together, while the others sprawled over the shag carpet floor, bench seat along the one wall, or in the hammock hung just under the ceiling. It was an interesting arrangement to say the least, but one that allowed everyone but Raven to drink that night. So they weren’t complaining.

 

Having parked the monstrosity of a vehicle (they all loved it, and Raven knew it) they loaded out and made their way into the theatre, claiming a few of the tables in the VIP restaurant and dragging them together. The wait staff weren’t upset though, as this group had the reputation of being great tippers as well as unendingly hilarious.

 

This night was to be no exception, as once all seated Anya ordered a round of shots for the whole table. Covered in whipped cream and in martini glasses. Muff dives. She ordered them all muff dives and handed her phone over to their server Paige to record all of them messily digging out their shots.

 

“Come ON guys! You can do better than that!” Raven goaded the others on as she, Anya, Lexa and Clarke had fished their shots out in record time.

 

Lincoln was less than pleased with the ‘encouragement’. “Hey, it’s not as easy as you make it look!”

 

Clarke scoffed. “Oh please, the secret is in the tongue. It’s all in the tongue.” Lexa giggled as Clarke elbowed her in the ribs with one arm while also high fiving Raven who had guffawed at her explanation. Paige was trying desperately not to laugh and ruin the audio on the video she was taking.

 

With a groan, he dived back in and managed to snag it out of the glass after a few more seconds. Although poor Nathan was struggling on the far end of the table along with Monty. They were trying to get the shot out without covering their faces in whipped cream.

 

“Guys, you gotta get in there with your whole face. Don't be afraid to get a little sticky.” Anya deadpanned from her seat across from Lexa. Raven grinned so wide her face could have split as she then offered her own advice. “Yeah, go all in and use a broad stroke to find it.” Still giggling away, Lexa chimed in. “And then focus in and point your tongue to catch it.” Oh god, the poor boys faces were so flushed it was a wonder they weren’t melting the whipped cream below them. Clarke spoke again. “Once you’ve caught it, seal your lips around it and suck.” Their advice was panning out, as they were the only two now not having got their shots. They managed to snag their shots and they threw their heads back, hands going up to pull the glasses from their mouths once all the alcohol had drained down into their mouths.

 

The rest of the table let out a rousing cheer, lead by none other than enthusiastic trailblazer extraordinaire Octavia. She was so proud of all her friends, but this was an achievement in and of itself. Cause lesbehonest, downing shots was the only time the couple were going to use that advice.

 

With a loud laugh the server ended the recording and handed Anya’s phone back so she could take real drink orders. Raven got a draft, as her two drink limit was in full effect, as by the end of the movie she’d be stone cold sober still. Everyone else got something similar with the exception of Lexa, who loved her sweet fruity drinks that her friends loved to tease her over. She didn’t have any shame though, and Clarke particularly enjoyed kissing her after she’d had a few of them, sharing in the sweet tastes so really, it was a win win for her.

 

By the time they’d finished their first drinks, they’d ordered their food. By the time their second drinks arrived, their food had as well. They ate quickly, the food staunching the effects of the alcohol on their systems. By the end of the meal they’d had another round and had ordered their last round to bring into the theatre with them (where let’s be real, they’d probably order another round.)

 

Leaving Paige with a ludicrously large tip, they made their way in to claim their reserved seats and drop off their jackets before they’d head back out to pick up all the regular goodies suck as popcorn and candy. Because we all know no movie is complete without popcorn and candy.

 

Clarke opted to stay in the theatre as she and Lexa always shared their treats, leaving Lexa to be the one to go out and get all of it. The rest of the gang were removing jackets and sitting down, checking phones quickly before they’d head back out to the concession stands. The rest of the theatre was filling up, the row behind theirs already full of people waiting for the pre-show roll to start on the screen.

 

“Just want the usual stuff babe?” Lexa smiled at her girlfriend, running her hand down her back softly from her standing position next to her in the aisle. She heard some grumbling from a woman directly behind them but chose to ignore it as it likely had not had anything to do with them.

 

“Yes but also I want sour patch kids this time.” Clarke smiled brightly, leaning towards Lexa as though she had to convince her. She didn’t have to convince her, Lexa was wrapped around her fingers, although the brunette would never let her know that beyond the literal sense of course.

 

Lexa chuckled, shaking her head at the blonde who refused to drink super sweet drinks but loved to taste them on her girlfriend’s lips and who loved candy of all forms. She was a closet sugarholic and it would likely be a while before she’d gotten to the stage where she admitted it. Lucky for her, Lexa was an enabler so long as she brushed her teeth often enough to counteract the effects the sweets would have on her brilliantly white teeth.

 

“You got it hot stuff.” She winked at Clarke, leaning down to meet her halfway for a chaste kiss. They had already separated when she hear a strangled cry of outrage from the same woman who had grumbled earlier. Clearly she had been wrong about it having nothing to do with them. Lexa stood up, back ramrod straight as she glared at the woman. “Do you have a problem lady?”

 

“Yes, I do. Keep _that_ out of the public eye.” She glared so hard at Lexa that your typical person would probably melt. But Lexa was made of tougher stuff and she was prepared to prove it if she had to.

 

“Oh? Why? I kissed my girlfriend which is perfectly legal I assure you.” Lexa raised a brow at the woman, silently daring her to say something else. She wasn’t disappointed.

 

The woman’s face was so red she was bound to pop. “That doesn’t belong where _normal_ people can see it. For god’s sake, there are children!”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but to laugh at that. “Lady, we’re in the VIP theatre, ages 18 and up, remember? There are no children here and even if there were, me pecking my beautiful girlfriend on the lips isn’t something I would hide from them. They need to see that it’s just as normal as a hetero couple kissing in public. Or else the poor children might turn out like you, and no one wants that outcome.”

 

By this point, the confrontation had gained the attention of other theatre goers as well as a few staff members who thankfully, weren’t stepping in just yet. Paige was working the inside of the theatre and taking orders now and she seemed to have stepped in to stop another employee from approaching the disagreement. She was thrilled to see what would happen next. She knew it would be good.

 

“How _dare_ you! _I_ am the normal one here. What you’re doing isn’t natural. Just leave us normal people alone.”

 

The grin that spread across Lexa’s face could be termed as predatory as she looked from the woman in the seats behind her down to her girlfriend instead. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone. Clarke?” She arched an eyebrow at the blonde who simply bit her lip and smirked.

 

And with that, Lexa moved to straddle Clarke’s lap, threading her hands into golden locks while artist’s fingers gripped firmly into her hips. She claimed her girlfriends lips with fervor, being met with equal enthusiasm immediately. They wasted no time in deepening the kiss, Clarke finding she didn’t have to act when Lexa’s tongue snaking into her mouth caused her to moan loudly when paired with the almost imperceptible grind of hips into her own.

 

Clarke’s hot breath served to rile Lexa up, goading her into gripping Clarke’s hair more firmly so she could pull her head back further, allowing her to deepen the kiss even further. The crowd around them was laughing uproariously at the display and reaction from the unnamed but awful woman, obviously being led by their large group of friends who surrounded them.

 

Lexa opened her eyes and pulled back to look at the woman, Clarke using the opportunity to attack her neck with teeth and tongue. The woman was shaking in rage, her face even more red than earlier. She looked positively apoplectic.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, could you not see anything from that angle?” Lexa stood up abruptly, bringing Clarke with her. Before the blonde had the change to reattach their lips, Lexa had reached down and gripped the back of her thighs, prompting her with an insistent tug to push off and allow her to lift her. Once situated with her legs wrapped around the brunette’s hips, and strong arms supporting her weight, she turned so both of them were clearly visible to the row behind them, and proceeded to ravish her girlfriend’s mouth once more.

 

They vaguely registered the wholly dramatic scream of anger and defeat from the woman who had stood and stomped out of the theatre ostensibly to ‘Get management to kick you deviants out of here.’ Lucky for them, they had the support of Paige and all other servers who had interacted with them in the past. The groups regular appearance at the theatre actually weighing in their favour for once.

 

Amid the laughter, yells of encouragement and uproarious applause were heard, eventually prompting the two women to separate.

 

“YEAH. SUCK IT DICK WEASEL!” Octavia had the most interesting insults. Anya simply shook her head from side to side at the two, although a barely there grin was adorning her features, albeit only noticeable to her friends. Raven was laughing so hard she was crying and practically hyperventilating. The boys were laughing and applauding along with the rest of the theatre and the staff.

 

Clarke punched Lexa in the arm when she was distracted by the furor around them. “OUCH. What was that for?!” She pouted slightly as she rubbed her bicep.

 

“Uuuuugh why would you do this to me when we can’t continue? You know what you do to me you jerk face.” Clarke’s insults needed some work. Lexa only grinned and looked over Clarke’s shoulder to meet Anya’s gaze.

 

“How long until the movie?” The excessively be-cheekboned woman glanced at her phone. “Twenty minutes.”

 

The brunette cocked her head to the side in thought for a few seconds before declaring. “I can work with that.” She then grabbed Clarke’s hand and dragged her out of the theatre and in the direction of the washrooms amidst the hoots and hollers of the audience.

 

***

 

Having returned rather disheveled to the theatre, Lexa and Clarke were practically hysterical with laughter. The lights were still up as the movie was yet to start, only a few minutes remaining.

 

“What’s got you guys so worked up?” Octavia asked with genuine curiosity and still remaining amusement at their antics.

 

Clarke happily provided the answer. “SHE WAS IN THE BATHROOM. SHE HEARD IT ALL!” She could barely contain herself. “wh- whe- when we came out of the stall she was finishing washing her hands. She lost her shit and left. It was glorious.” Tears streamed down her face as she stuttered out the rest of the answer as she continued to laugh.

 

The theatre practically explode with laughter as the lights finally went down for the previews and the movie.

 

Seated once more, but without snacks (it was worth it), Lexa reached her hand over and threaded her fingers through Clarke’s, sending a salacious smirk towards her girlfriend who bit her lip in response. Managing to muffle their chuckles, they turned their attention to the screen that was coming to life in the mercifully homophobic free theatre.

 

Leaving their love nest for one evening was so worth it. They’d have to send their friends gift baskets in thanks.


End file.
